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Fuck Best Buy

It is amazing how you can be having such a good day and then have it suddenly collapse and just be so lost as to what to do. Work was fine. Spent most the morning in court which was neat. Studying for the LSAT was eluding me as much as I attempted though, and that was a bit frustrating.

The point at which I became very angry came after work. I went to Best Buy to return our current router which just does not work. We thought it was Comcast for the longest time, but now I think it might be the modem. I figured, take the modem back, get a different one, and all is solved, right? Of course that can't fucking happen. I went to take it back and I was told that it was past the fucking thirty day return policy. It was a few days past, barely a week. So, now I am stuck with a fucking $60 paper weight and there is no way in hell I am buying another router for our hell hole. I just can't handle all of this. I think I might try to get out of town this weekend after I take the LSAT, otherwise I just think I might just go insane.

This is brought to you by the letter G

From mezzolibra:

Comment and I'll give you a letter. List 10 things you love that begin with that letter. After, post this in your journal, and give out some letters of your own.

She gave me the letter "G"

1. Guns (so much fun)

2. Grenades (never actually thrown a real one, but seem very effective)

3. Green (especially hunter green)

4. Green Tea (Mmmmmmm)

5. Gil Grissom (who doesn't love CSI?)

6. Grappling (just looks so much fun)

7. Golden Key International Honour Society (love being a relative term)

8. Grenadine (Cherry)

9. Gross, Paul (awesome actor)

10. Grant (for proofreading my papers)

Sep. 9th, 2007

As down as I was Friday about all the shit I had to do for this week, I had an awesome weekend. Saturday was the best hanging out with amazing people reading and listening to Avenue Q. The show was great, but it was more of just a giant theatre party than the normal play readings. It was great to see people I haven't seen in a year and some I haven't seen in a few months.
I ended up hanging out at SB's house much longer than I intended just because I was having such a great time talking to everyone. Even some of the people I don't like I was having fun with. We ended up going out to Valpo later even though I am not sure how I got invited but was just kind of included in the leaving aspect. We had a great time out in Valpo even though the band we went to see wasn't playing. Despite being with people who wanted to steal everything in sight (I blame SB), we returned home unscathed and much later than I had intended on staying out. All in good fun. It was a great day.
Now I am back to the races and writing a literature review in which I have no idea what I am doing and studying for an ethics test. At least you don't fail if you don't have ethics, you just need to know what all the terms mean. I just have to make it through this month and everything will be so much better. Just got to go to my happy place.
Wow, I needed that weekend. Despite the kinks that were put in it by two different incidents (a man I would rather not be around showing up at the Lake and a nice talk with the Indiana State Police), it was a great weekend. I am trying to get over the man I don't like. The reason I don't like him happened almost five years ago, but he is still a creep. I still went out fishing with him, and hung out with him, because I am always sure to make sure he doesn't bother me even if he does. I think he is pretty crazy actually.
But anyway, I caught a lot of fish this weekend, got a lot of sun, and just relaxed. I didn't get any homework done like I wanted. It was good to see most people this weekend, but I also got my alone time. I wish I could do it again.

Aug. 27th, 2007

I am beginning to feel a little bi-polar. It just seems like my moods change very drastically throughout the day. I am stressed already, trying to get shit done, and yet my body just wants sleep so bad. Then, I have to do the whole going to class thing, and the meetings thing, and the getting ready for the meetings thing, and the ten other things I should be doing too.
I am definitely dealing with the loss of the boy. At times it makes me sad still, but right now it seems like we will be able to preserve our friendship, and that makes me happy. It's funny, months back, I said I wouldn't give him up without a fight. It was true at that point. At this point though, I feel like we are doing the right thing. He had pulled away months ago, and really we were beating a dead horse. It really explains the lack of fulfillment when we would get together. As the Godspell songs goes "It's all for the best."
Ah, back at school. Some things never change. I feel like a caged animal here really. I don't know why. It is the first week of classes, so it should be exciting or something, right? I am just glad to be done in Dec. All these organizations I am a part of are really bearing done on me, and I am already feeling the stress. I get this anger inside of me. I will deal with it like I always do; ignore it and move on. It is actually nice not to be with someone at this point, but at the same time, I feel like I am drifting away from my friends as well. I will be fine, trying to enjoy myself.
So Flash and I decided to go out before the Railcats game. We hit a place in Chesterton that I had been to with my friends before, so I was comfortable. We talk about a lot of different things, but there were definitely a few surprises. He has a three year old for one, from when he was married. It is really not a big deal, just a surprise. It was a very comfortable evening, but it also ended pretty early. I wasn't sure how to feel about it afterward. We parted with a hug and a promise for the Railcats game on Sunday.

The game on Sunday didn't happen. A few hours before I was going to leave for the game, Flash calls me and after giving me this whole story about the night before and a buddy of his getting arrested and just getting home, he bows out of the game. I haven't heard from him since. I know it should bother me, and I guess it does a little. I was attracted to him, but at the same time, I didn't really care. He was cool to hang out with. If I never hear from him again, he will fade away.

I go back to school in less than a week, so I guess I don't need the type of relationship I had last year where I was constantly missing the boy. I am already knee deep into school work, and my classes haven't even started yet.
Well, I finally did it; I broke up with Scooby. We went out karaoking against, and after he asked me what a neurologist was, our conversation was somewhat lacking in the evening. He asked me another question that I am not even going to repeat because it was very disturbing. I was just trying to have fun with my friends, and then he got all mopey. I asked him if he was all right, and of course he said no, but he wouldn't tell me why. I took him outside saying we needed to talk. It was time.

He looked like he was about to cry already, but after running around in circles in conversation, we finally got to the point. I wanted to just be friends with him. Not friends with benefits. I was just not sexually attracted to him. Kissing him even got to be a burden. He kept telling me that he loved me. I told him it made me very uncomfortable to hear that because I had no intention of saying it back to him. He asked me where I saw us in a year, and I said not together. He asked me if it was anything he did, and I said no. It was and it wasn't really. We just didn't work. He told me he thought we were looking at the relationship differently, with me thinking too long term. LOL! This from the guy who was planning our wedding a week after we started going out talking to the girl that is the queen of not having a serious relationship which includes no talk ever of the future.

We went back in the bar as friends. Then, he started drinking and drinking. I left about 1:30, went home, and went to bed. I got a call from him at 3:00 saying he was laying in a field somewhere and could I come get him. I was pissed, but I went and got the trashed boy, making sure he didn't need to puke anymore before he got in my car. I don't even feel like dealing with him as a friend right now, but I am glad the relationship is over.

Ok...so I met another boy :)

Ok, so this might seem a little mean, but I met another boy. The boy I have been dating, who I shall name Scooby, took me to a gay bar last night with his two lesbian friends--he really likes to go there. Did I mention before that he used to date guys? Yeah, that was a fun conversation to have. Anyway, we go to this bar which I actually like a bit just because it has a lot of cute guys to look at even if they are gay and last time it even had male strippers. This Slovak guy came up to us to ask if any of the ladies was straight. Scooby said his two friends weren't, I was, but I was taken. Apparently this guy, Flash (so not his real name), was at the bar with his gay brother, and was looking for girls. I looked over and saw Flash, and well, I thought he was cute. I made sure to flirt with Flash from a distance, making a lot of eye contact. It was karaoke night, so I made sure to tell him he sang well, which he was so much better than Scooby. Flash's brother was actually an amazing singer, which helped that they always sang together. So we were flirting the whole night, I explained the situation with Scooby, and Flash, not unlike pretty much everyone else I know, asked me why I was with him. I explained he was a nice guy. Scooby had to leave for awhile so we talked some more, exchanged numbers, and he wants to go to a Railcats game together on Sunday.

Flash called me today a few times to see what I was up to, to talk about some things that were a little hazy from last night. He was easy to talk to, he works normal hours at a YMCA, and I am excited about seeing him soon. He just seems a little bit more mature than Scooby. I don't want to string Scooby along, and I think there might actually be a future with this new guy, which I know there is not for Scooby. I feel bad, really I do. I think I might tell him about the date tonight, the 'I think we should see other people' line or the 'I like you as a friend line.' I have done very very few things with Scooby that I wouldn't do with a friend anyway.

Aug. 6th, 2007

We closed Charlie Brown yesterday. The show went well besides me threatening to kill the kid doing follow spot. He was so busy watching the show, he just stopped doing follow cues. That pisses me off like no other. If I cannot count on someone, I would rather not have that person in my life, and especially not on my crew. I will miss many of the people, but there are others that I am glad I don't have to listen to their bullshit and bitching as well as deal with unrealiable people.

I am still having trouble in the dating category. I had some time away from the new boy, and I have yet to see him considering I just got back into town yesterday and really did not feel well after the show. I needed this break from him, and now I will see if it helped. I am talking myself out of the relationship, as I do with all of my relationships. I don't even like how he thinks all of my tomboy traits are hot--I feel like he is lieing to get into my pants or something.

I think I am incapable of having a romantic relationship.